5/01/2017

The President Is a Pussy

It seems obvious, no? That the putative bully is actually a blithering pussy, a bumblefuck coward who must occasionally lash out at someone weak in order to maintain the illusion of his strength to those who don't want to believe that their man, their champion, is just a pathetic, crawling worm.  And Trump is that man-worm,. Evidence? Oh, shit, this is the easiest case to make since Low, et al v. Trump University. President Donald Trump is a pussy because:

-- He made all kinds of noise about all that he was going to accomplish in his first 100 days and he got just about jack shit done. In the spending compromise worked out in Congress, leaders of the House and Senate of both parties essentially told him to go fuck himself with his border wall, his Affordable Care Act defunding threats, his draconian budget cuts, and his Planned Parenthood attack.

-- He wants to buddy up to people who are real tough guys. It's the way he's been his whole life, and one of the the surest signs that someone is a pussy is they try to get cozy with bad asses and motherfuckers. A couple of decades ago, Trump was all about getting street cred by hanging with rappers. Now he's practically blowing China's Xi Jinping after pretending like he was gonna be all up in Xi's face. Trump would love to be the meat in a Duterte/Erdogan sandwich. And even Duterte, infected pustule on humanity's taint that he is, doesn't wanna be seen with Trump. Shit, you could even go back to how he palled around with mobsters. It's the oldest pussy move there is: depussification by proximity.

-- Even when he is an asshole, he's a pussy. When CBS's John Dickerson was interviewing Trump this weekend for Face the Nation (which Trump says he likes to call "Deface the Nation" because that's so fucking funny), the host asked the pussy president about the pussy president's pussy assertion that President Obama had spied on the pussy. Trump got pissy, ended the interview, and walked away. Asshole move, but then, because there is nothing Trump needs more than for people to like him, like the saddest tween on Instagram, he invited Dickerson to ride on Air Force One and have dinner with him. Trump's pathetic attempts at being tough with the media (with his incessant mewing of "fake news" to his drooling hordes) are rendered absolutely embarrassing by the contemptuous depths to which he'll go to beg for coverage. Or he just makes shit up about how awesome he is and totally not a pussy.

-- He's such a fucking idiot, genuinely dumb and genuinely incurious, that he covers up for his ignorance by pretending he's wise, which is the pussy move for people who are shit-scared of having their stupidity revealed. Only an idiot pussy pretending to be smart would say something like "People don’t realize, you know, the Civil War, if you think about it, why? People don’t ask that question, but why was there the Civil War?" Because except for the millions of words that have been written about why there was a Civil War, he's right. No one has ever asked why there was a Civil War. Only someone as intelligent and knowledgeable as Donald Fucking Trump has wondered that in the last 150 years. (And let's not even get into how Trump doesn't know what's in his health care proposal and pretends that he does.)

You could say a lot of things about our past presidents. They were dicks, assholes, cunts, even. A few of them were evil (including that cocksucker Andrew Jackson who Trump thinks is awesome because...well, see the second point up there). But Trump might be our first pussy president, and that means that he is going to do everything he can to try to hide the fact that he's a pussy. Except, of course, others already know he's a pussy.

History is piled high with the bodies of those who had to die so someone could cover up their cowardice.

(Note on the word "pussy": Words have different meanings in different contexts. "Bullshit" means something besides "nonsense" when you're in a pen that's holding bulls. See the note here on the word "cocksucker." Also, and let's face it, "pussy" is just the kind of word Trump would understand.)